Post by John on Feb 18, 2009 13:43:53 GMT -5
WASHPOND PADDLE 1997
Part One
The last time we camped at Swanage our Company was facing an uncertain future
The Captain had resigned to look for a new job. The officers had briefly considered whether perhaps the time had come to close the Company down. PERISH THE THOUGHT
Even the camp magazine reflected the sombre overtones THE SWANAGE SIREN….a warning of things to come. BUT there was the sign of hope at the Initiation that year when we added to the Roll of New Campers 5 who became stalwarts Avis, Lionel, Dorothy, Michael and Andrew Heinrich. The Company in fact prospered. Mike got his new job, turned his resignation into a Sabbatical, upgraded the Band and resumed the Captaincy. The uncertainty turned out to be beneficial.
Today we face the uncertainty of falling membership this time next year we might have closed down…PERISH THE THOUGHT. We are a few weeks away from a Recruitment Campaign to make Saffron Walden sit up and notice what the BB is and what it does, with the view of renewal and growth. With that in mind, the vision of moving forward I have called the Camp magazine
THE WASHPOND PADDLE… a paddle being a device for propelling a boat forward and the campsite being in WASHPOND LANE.
To introduce the daily diary you might care to sing with your usual fervour this verse based on the tune of the ETON BOATING SONG copies will be made available to you now
Let’s try that out……now
Jolly old camping weather
Should it rain or shine
We’ll stick together
Making the most of our time
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
SO WE BEGIN OUR JOURNAL
SATURDAY AUGUST 16th
######################
Cliff confirmed that he arrived at the Common on time. He didn’t need to bother as my watch strap was broken while getting into the bath Friday night. I mended it with staples and band aids but then the pin fell out so I take Cliff’s word on the matter as I went the week without a watch. Who needs a watch with all those bugle calls. Thanks to those kind friends who pointed out that I am not supposed to wear a watch in the bath.
I suffered an immediate identity crisis as various new nicknames were bandied about but the one that stuck was from David, MAGMADDS.
Tricia, Harvey and chips came to see us off. We wished they were coming too. Harvey and Chips are so affectionate with their kisses.
The Roll was called, (not “ up yonder” ), Zoe had been chosen but not called as she wasn’t enlisted.
Andy Turner was called but didn’t answer, so presumably he wasn’t chosen still he was doing the calling. Cliff gave a briefer than usual pep talk, - particularly about no chewing gum, no rubbish on the floor, and “Everybody BELT UP”.
Simon Pickhaver, Canvas Man who is also Tent inspector, and First Aidy, tried to kid Nathaniel
that he had to suffer initiation. Simon gets a bit confused, bless him, and perhaps he hasn’t heard that that’s been dropped since we went civilised. One or two old stagers were concerned too ,learn that Neptune was not coming to lunch this year. He had asked me to deputise for him. as he thought we were going to St Ives, so moored his boat there, and now being surrounded could not get his boat out of berth. Boat Bound. Still as Simon Heinrich points out I am never there when ever he comes.
Adidas Brown got very lively. Reports that she was a quiet sober lass have been greatly exaggerated. She was looking forward to the reunion with Nike Coote and Rebook Morton. Nutta Mines closed her eyes to drift into blissful sleep when eagle eyed Cliff from the driver’s seat yelled “Denise don’t go to sleep. I can’t!”
At 7.10 am enthusiasm broke out and lasted at least till we reached Fleet and the girls didn’t like it if any of us went to sleep. They soon put a stop to that. We picked up a very eager Andy Willitt and a cry went up, “ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, come and sit here”. So he sat behind Avis who then wagged her finger at him. A fella can’t win. Cliff likened Andy Turner’s sartorial headgear to that of an upturned flower pot. It was alleged that later when his hat went missing Andy could not recognise it inside out thinking it was another hat. Cliff switched in the heavy breathing apparatus.(the radio). Zoe and Adidas Brown reckoned that Magmadds should join the Back Street Boys…or the Spice Girls. Adidas added maybe better if he just joined Old Spice, while Zoe suggested Passed it Spice. [ “and they are such delightful young ladies really, aren’t they?” ] They asked Andy Turner how many trees there were on the camp site as they wanted to live in a Tree House , but we weren’t going near a motorway extension through an area of environmental beauty that needed protecting. Adidas produced her cuddly lion named Ant and named after one, Anthony but she would not reveal his surname. Kirstie appeared to be feeding her virtual pet on Sunshine Flavour. Canvas Man who doesn’t like the Back Street Boys.(who could fail to like the Back street Boys, phew !) threatened to cut the amplifying wires enquiring in basic humanity “How can I kill it?” Kirstie then began singing to her virtual pet, a sort of lullaby. Nath being new to camp, and having a sweet tooth took a handful of sweets from the bag being passed round, but he did put most of them back later, just has to learn the ropes. We excused his over indulgence. Cowboy Brown, the number one Player did several circuits collecting our rubbish. He was considering bringing out an alternative Camp magazine but he wisely realised there’s a limited market. A number of passengers found the seat belts restrictive and left their moorings. Simon Heiny moved in with Nutta Mines. Phil was wearing his “Wake up everybody!” shirt. Nath spent some time apparently hanging from the luggage rack and doing a sitting down hornpipe.
At Fleet we disembarked to use the facilities. Neptune led a party across the motorway bridge, but we could not find the fleet there or any sea, so we came back. Angie Goodwin phoned home to Mum. That sorted out we re-embarked David and angie having stocked up on Bubble Gum Balls from a dispenser. The officers at the back admired their photographs in the Daily Mail. Helen and Kathryn provided lots of mirth without sharing the joke, appeared to be having a sisterly fight.
As we were passing St Leonards, band leader Andy started a brief Singalong. “Didn’t we have a lovely time the day we went to Swanage?”, followed by “One man went to mow”, followed by “ I know a maid.. opps, that’s a rude one! Cliff kept shouting and we could not understand what, but it seems it may have been at the alleged bad driving of other road users. Chris facing a possible threat to the security of his tent, threatened to “pour carrots down their back”. Hughsy senior came down the aisle with a message from Cliff to “BELT UP” again and told us that we were 15 mile from Swanage. Four miles further on the sign post said “14 miles to Swanage. Maybe in Dorset the miles are longer. Matt Player got off to another good start losing another tooth. Phone contact was made with the C.O. as we passed the ruins of Corfe Castle. As we entered Swanage we were waved down by, so it appeared, some country yokel brandishing an umbrella. This turned out to be the C.O. who escorted us to the Camp Site ,situated as usual, 5 minutes from the sea. The minutes are longer in Dorset along with the miles.
So we arrived at our beautiful camp site with the tents surrounded by pink, or was it red, clover. The first priority was find the tea bags. This took a fair bit of time. Were they in that tin we left in the Church kitchen? Fortunately not. Arthur was a bit concerned at the popularity of his packet of Pringles which Lyndsey appeared to be using for some promotional campaign. We were all happy to help Arthur to diet. Arthur was surprised that the first rule of camp was no longer “ I don’t speak until everyone is quiet”.
After Lunch, a party set out to explore how to get to the beach. We were all following our great leader, Malcolm, who was following Lynda. It is just as well we did not lose sight of her. It has been alleged that we were having Sunday Evening worship in the morning as Malcolm appears to be appearing at The Shades as Sinister Minister. Angie Goodwin discovered that he had forgotten his swimming trunks but he found a way round that, and then his trainers broke but all in all he appeared to be enjoying it. Most of us went for a dip. The Player’s orange polo was much in use. The younger boys spent a lot of time on earthworks getting very muddy in the process. Some campers went shopping while others played volleyball.
For Dinner we had bangers, beans and taters followed by cakes. Paul came under some slight attack for making tea in a coffee pot. Personally I did not notice anything unusual. Paul was told to use new bags in future, not last years. Next year he can please himself . Andy Turner asked for a few seconds of our valuable time for an important announcement. It lasted 135 seconds.
We trooped off to the park for a game of Pudducks, and what a game that was, as described by my roving reporters, the Demon Bowler Flukesie Brown who bowled all the time, to ensure fair play I suppose that means that the bowling was regarded by some as consistently bad, the same for everyone, and the Twirling Dervish Nutta knocking the ball all over the place.. not to mention her remarkable catch when she caught the ball deftly with her shoe and then caught the ball on the rebound. Darren tells me he made 4 catches, and several people shined but man of the match was our scorer Tea Boy Player, who kept all the runs in his brain and came up with the result Cliff’s Team 78, and the other team 72. Arthur immediately lodged a notice of appeal saying that Boys British Boys couldn’t count! Paul should have taken the advice offered “Add all the runs together and divide by two”, the way Arthur did it back here in 1988.
Back at Camp we proceeded to Prayers, on the Theme “Water, Water, everywhere”. We sang several lively songs, and had a reading from John chapter 4, and a collective “Thank you” prayer Then Andy Turner and his colleagues and friends began their game “Hunt his bedding”.. This proved inconclusive. It was light-heartedly suggested that maybe it had found it’s way into Dorothy’s handbag, as Arthur’s keys had in 1988. Cliff tried throwing the javelin, only it wasn’t a javelin but Simon Heiny’s torch, a bulls eye straight into the refuse bin. Simon threatened to put Cliff in the bin next. Arthur taught some folk how to play Nap. The staff had a prayer meeting. After this most of us scattered to our tents and Denise and Matt sat up guarding the Camp Site, and so Saturday ended with a thunderstorm brewing in the distance which came closer and closer until it hung silently above us. So during the very early hours of Sunday morning God watered this part of His garden with refreshing showers and apparently an angel of the LORD must have descended upon us as our tents were lighted with a golden light. Apparently this was caused by a human angel with a torch and we give thanks that someone was caring for us.
SUNDAY AUGUST 17th
#####################
Rising early in the morning we made our way to and from the ‘public baths’ and grumbles about the toilet facilities were dispelled as all the way there and back we had showers!
At our destination we had a choice of 4 opportunities, 3 taps or don’t bother and 3 temperatures, all cool
needless to say one of our intrepid lady campers went in search of a gentleman who would get her into hot water.
All our staff set about their duties with enthusiasm adapting to the change of climate and some of us met for prayer in Ged’s Tent. Table tennis resumed, a sure sign that nothing has changed, business as usual, Alls Well!. At the morning prayer meeting we recalled that Elijah was a man of prayer, and when he prayed for a drought, no rain fell for 3½ years, and when he prayed for rain, he got it, bucket fulls. We are not sure who asked for what, but the weather cleared up.
We had an excellent repast for Breakfast of Lionel’s excellent porridge and fry up. Those who chose the cornflakes were not so happy but what can you expect with Tesco Value Corn flakes. You get what you pay for. We understand these were bought to encourage us to stick to Lionel’s porridge. Some people actually enjoyed them. Others were heard to mutter “The Cubs have Frosties”. Tent Inspection was won
by the Girls but we were not told how great their lead was. Clearly canvas man was on a damage limitation exercise..
The plunger was missing from the ladies loo, and Dorothy was certain it was not in her handbag.
First highlight of the morning activities was Fire Drill with a brisk walk through the wet clover, due to the heavy dew. David was missing believed burnt to a cinder but turned up “late” full of life. Andy Turner,
as officer of the Day, was seen heroically going from tent to tent rescuing victims from the imagined fiery inferno, the hero of the hour, but we were a bit deflated to learn that he was looking for his lost red arm-band. It was reported too that he was becoming too strict. Two members of the fatigue squad being somewhat fatigued already and seeing the utensils to be cleaned particularly the porridge saucepan declared “I am not cleaning that” and “Nor am I”. However Mr Turner singled them out for just such a great privilege and insisted on them scrimping, scraping, and shining until the sauce pan gleamed like burnished silver, -- maybe he’d lost his mirror as well!
Andy Willitt asked how big the camp site was. He was told to walk from the hedge at one end to the hedge at the other counting his paces and then the same thing across, add the figures together and divide by 2 …if it works for scoring pudducks may be it works for other things too.
(Oh I’ll get my coat!) This oft repeated phrase was supposed to have an effect on someone, maybe someone will remember what and whom. Junior staff members being rather knowledgeable in things entomological investigated a salt pot and discovered a thingyroach. Who else would be looking in salt pots for insects.
The time for Morning Worship approached and a stone henge shaped sacred site was created for worship.
It was then that we discovered that at the prayer meeting an element of confusion must have occurred as the drought rapidly ended in a heavy shower causing an evacuation to the Marquee
At Morning Worship the theme was BESIDE THE WATERS with some lively singing including the revamped Arsenal chorus “JESUS!”. We had some games. Postman’s Knock. Various people had to go and hide and come back and work out who was the anonymous leader of a chain reaction around the group of various aspects of “body language”. Then we sang a Polish song as a round, depending on which side of the poles we were sitting, but some of us were confused by not knowing who the polish people amongst us were. Another game was a sort of version of charades as used in the programme of the 1950-1960,period on steam TV “What’s my line”. We had a reading from Matthew 4 v 18-22. The purpose of the whip-round that we had was explained to us and Malcolm said that had we been Ugandans and were we in Uganda we could have brought a goat, a chicken or some eggs. I don’t think the Camp Treasurer would have been to pleased if we had as he would have had to feed the goat and the chicken. Still we had not really got any to bring although later in the day, (and most of the rest of the week) Cliff kept acting like a chicken and yelling “I’m having chicken tonight”. Glenys must have brought a supply of them but we never saw any but then the clover was quite tall. We could have brought Ant or some Virtual Pets although at £9-£15 a time the money would have been preferred. But I digress…the offering we actually brought in real old boring money…was in support of the B.B. World Conference’s International Extension Fund. Malcolm told us about the 5-10 year old Street Children in South Africa for which an outreach project has been organised. We were all encouraged to sign a postcard to them.
Malcolm told us of the readiness of the first disciples to give up their ordinary lives to follow Jesus and how exciting it would be if any of us this week realised and decided that they had been called to do just that. Maybe some long service Christians amongst us would discover a bit of OMPH in their renewal of commitment. (OMPH is a secret energy source provided by God the Holy Spirit and many people do not know that it exists).
Following Worship just about siesta time the BAND had a short practice session, which lasted an hour and was widely enjoyed.
The Bell lyra section, the Brass Section and the War Drums had separate practice sessions and then all the Band sections played together. They played for us March No 1, Mockingbird , Those Marvellous Men in their Flying Machines, and Evita.
Meanwhile Arthur and Denise played volley ball. Dorothy watched arena events from her ringside seat, wearing her straw hat. Simon Heiny gave Angio and Ryan a few tips in camp craft. Lynda relaxed reading. The Marquee’s walls were demolished to ventilate it. Cliff was seen putting Darren in the Waste Skip in an altercation arising from washing Ryan.
Weeeeeeell led our Grace before meat. Steve stuffed his plate with 4 helpings of spuds. What is a weena? Apparently Simon is alleged to be one? We were told that Junior staff are allowed to do things legal within Camp rules, but we were not told what? Magmadds got his knees muddy kneeling or was it grovelling on the floor so Zoe kindly washed them with her washing-up water. How thoughtful.
After our excellent Lunch a group of us went off to the beach, with Malcolm and John, braving the ice cold waters while our best trained lifesavers and strongest swimmers huddled together on the beach.
Ryan organised Ryan’s Beach Water Scheme with his united team of experts. Unfortunately they soon squabbled over the minor details and fell, out, and finished up destroying their efforts before the encroaching tide too over. The highlight of this exercise was when David with his top on and looking relatively clean fell into the pool he was helping to create. Cliff, Glenys, Mike, Lynda & Arthur
went for a walk to the Railway Centre and watched some cricket. Later Cliff, Denise and Matt played Rummy. Ryan, Andy and Magmadds, played crowfoot dominoes and the big boys played football with Darren and Angie, and Weeeeeeeel went for a quick trip. Malcolm taught James how to play “Continuance” from a Neapolitan Chocolate Box.
We enjoyed an excellent dinner, at which Magmadds had lettuce and diced onion in peach juice. The Bishop spent a lot of time trying to teach a wasp to eat jam from his plate. After Dinner the Junior staff had laid on some unconventional Sports . There was Welly Throwing, which made Cliff rather excited and a bit dangerous. The awards were as follows I think that Geoff was first for throwing the welly highest into orbit, Dorothy came first in throwing it the least distance and Cliff for throwing the farthest.
In the running we reckon Simon Pickhaver ran the fastest, right off his feet so that he ended the day a bit worse for wear, and then there was the Football throwing.
We applauded an excellent rendering of sunset retreat by a quintet.
Rosemary led Evening Prayers We sang “This is the day” and “God is Good”. We considered postcard ideas. What should we write on them. David suggested “Hope the weather is with you. It’s with us”.
Rosemary stressed the reason for using postcards and the theme of giving thanks, and went on to speak about our personal relationship with Jesus.
Chris Hughes reported the disappearance of some highly expensive silicon soles removed from his postcode area, just outside his tent, obviously in a very safe place for something expensive. I found return to him and claim the reward. Members of the staff spent an hilarious time playing UNO up to lights Out, and again afterwards, with Cliff full to bursting with holy mirth. It is reported that Malcolm is not the Sinister minister but that they were a lively group. Phil befriended a spider. Staff prayers were followed by gin rummy sessions into Monday morning by the alert night watch men. So the long day petered out under a beautiful clear starry sky and a bright Moon. ( “O I’ll get my coat”)
MONDAY AUGUST 18th
####################
The day began at various times for various folk with a lovely bright Moon and loads of stars, and later a beautiful sunrise followed later by thick mist drifting about and indeed the mist hung over Swanage most of the day giving the impression that the town was on fire..
The Gents had a problem with a blocked urinal and as early efforts to clear it failed we did consider swapping the Ladies and Gents signs round.
6.30am and all’s well and it was reported that Malcolm and Colleen were seen trying to escape Can’t blame them really.
The Officer of the day, Simon Pickhaver was feeling a bit rough but was proceeding as efficiently as usual and anticipating a quiet uneventful day.
Inspection got underway with the girls giving encouraging support to the boys tent and given their age and under experience the boys did extremely well. Result Boys 82, Girls 85. Simon Heinrich was overheard to have asked “Have you had a shower” which would have been a shade difficult unless someone had their own watering can at camp. Helen was seen to be sniffing the girls hands checking for signs of soap having been used.
We were told that the assistant Cook had been offered a day off. His working conditions seem to have improved to try to appease him but he seems to be only a number, poor chap, because later in the day outside the Player’s tent the catering staff were relaxing and one was heard to remarked “Um, Um what’s his name?” to which Paul replied “Charlie” and that seemed to click O. K.
Breakfast was just slightly delayed so Simon asked “Does anyone know any good songs”, whereupon the campers spontaneously launched into “Why are we waiting?” After this inspiring start to the day, and an excellent breakfast, Arthur led morning prayers with lots more singing as he reminded us what a good singer he is by singing the Labour Party theme song “I am building a people of power”. Assisted by Kathryn and Helen he presented a little drama entitled “I am a tramp”. Suffering from alcoholic poisoning and excessive anadin, down in the dumps, cold, fed up, sad, dejected ( Was this because Elaine was back home?) the tramps goes to Church and was rejected at the door 3 Sundays running, and he calls out to God for help and God’s reply was “Don’t despair, Don’t give up trying. I’ve been trying to get into that Church for 3 years.” Unfortunately this is sometimes all too true.
Arthur spoke about the little voices in our heads. The good voices like “Be kind to people” and we had an example of this later in the day when such a voice propelled Malcolm into the middle of the Beach Road to pick up lots of sticks of rock that had fallen out of a passing car; OR the bad voices like “I don’t like Arthur”. But we have to listen too to the inner voice of Jesus.
After prayers Denise led the tidy Team Out singing “ Oh I do love to be beside the seaside “ to raise morale.
Apart from the Camp staff who so valiantly get on with preparing our food, the main morning activity was the Great Trek to Swanage Railway Station with Matthew Player giving a running commentary of who was in the lead and how the composition of the leading pack changed. At the Station gifts and postcards were bought and Mr Magmadds acquired a Thomas the Tank Engine whistle with which to communicate with the Engine. Chris nearly missed the train. At Harman’s Cross was a bit of platform marked “Bedding area Do not disturb “ So I dropped off to sleep and my erstwhile companions tried to writ on my pad, but I awoke just in time. It was a beautiful journey. Did anyone win any thing in the raffle run by the ticket collectors.
Arriving at Corfe some time was spent sorting out who was supposed to have come and who not. Then we set out for the castle …a large air filled plastic thing coloured red , yellow and green in which children were bouncing up and down These Normans certainly liked amusing themselves.
Rosemary & Geoff on their own visited the model village, had a decent meal and a great ice-cream and then clambered up a lot of steps trying to find the rest of us. (at the mention of the word decent when this was read out , a big wave of feeling arose from the Cooks table with some suggestions that the Diarist might like to eat out.) With no criticism of our cooks, I must say it was a civilised idea of having a meal and a look round Corfe before returning to Swanage, the rest of us appeared to have taken a train to Corfe simply to be able to walk back to Camp.. We just sheeplike followed Lynda on the road out of town and didn’t get to visit the castle we had come 170 miles to clamber over instead we proceeded back to camp just over the next hill, and then the next, the next, the next, the next, about 9 of them and we never found the ice cream shop until we got to Ulwell.
Some disagreements occurred as to who we should be following through this mountainous region with all the little tombstones indicating those who did not find their way home from this inhospitable place devoid of shade and under the burning sun.. only mad dogs, Englishmen and the intrepid BB Campers go out walking in the mid-day sun. Some of us thought it was a good bet to follow the man with the map, twice winner of the Waltham Walk, as it was Matt Papa who was clearly the pacemaker, way out in front on his todd made it back home first by another way (Did he thumb a lift?) Of course it could be because the leading kids gave way to temptation in Vanity Fair, the kiddies playground of a caravan site, on the slide. Along the rote Mr Magmadds produced several aids to distance walking. A black sunshade which someone suggested attracted the heat. Anti-perspirent battery operated fans, a pure water spray and oranges. Some people come prepared He also used his whistle quite a lot to communicate with Thomas or was it Ben, Bill, George, Harry, Henry, Edward or James or one of the other friends of Thomas the tank Engine which keep tooting at us from a safe distance. . It was a long hot sticky trek of about 4 miles but it was worth it for the scenic beauty with beautiful views of Poole Harbour, Brownsea Island and Swanage Bay.
Back at Camp we had a lovely meal of corned beef hash followed by cherry topped trifle and plenty of second helpings. The fishing party sailed forth in Arthur’s minibus while others went into Siesta
Some of the Junior staff did a bank job to raise cash. Other campers played volleyball or cards. Matt being a glutton for punishment, went walking, up to the obelisk and down over the hill towards Poole. Some played Jelly Boggle making up new words for the 1998 edition of the Oxford English dictionary. Some of us visited the beach, swimming, digging holes, and Matthew carved a sand boats. While these activities were pursued Arthur organised his staff for the Great Bean Feast and more of this year’s delicacy French Toast – soft in the middle—except that some was soft all round except for one corner.
Clearly we need Miss Toast back.(ASIDE When this was read out Arthur protested “I will report you to Jean sale who taught me all I know” to which John retorted “You cannot blame the teacher for the pupil”) Later the favoured few were distributed with slices of cheese. Lionel remarked “Congratulations on your success despite the staff”. Arthur smiled with pleasure saying “Lionel you are a pearl” (At this point my notes being read 6 months later, read “Malcolm showered him with kisses” did this really happen?) John did express his appreciation for Arthur’s excellent scrambled egg. True it was 12 years ago but his standards remain high.
After washing up we were told that the Sports Council was working out our next activity. So Arthur took command of the power vacuum and we all played pudducks with Emma scoring. Simon H and Geoff did very well as backstops, Arthur exhausted himself bowling, standards of batting and fielding had improved greatly on the previous year. Even Mr Magmadds was congratulated on staying so long at the crease and for his dive to save the ball from a boundary…pity he missed though! Zoe did very well stopping the ball with her foot and James with his hand, which stung a bit we returned elated against a background of a beautiful sunset Simon H’s team 113 and Phil’s team 83.
Simon, Nath, James, Phil and Simon played an excellent Sunset Retreat as Andy W guided the flag down and the string up, so we had to take the flagpole down to retrieve the string. Simon, Simon, John and Geoff had fun with the external generator until the right switch was discovered. Later we had a power failure as we ran out of fuel but this was soon corrected.
Malcolm led evening prayers including a Mexican wave and the hornpipe “in the presence of your people!” He read from Mark 4 (Here my notes entitled this “The storm of the gate” I think I must have been tired and that this meant “The storm on the lake”, and he reminded us that Jesus can turn round any situation reminding us that we can all fight the Inner Battle.
By 10 boys prayers being over, the staff held their prayers, praying particularly for the boys, and for Arthur who is leaving today. (Arrh) and for Rachel and Lyndsey who were going off to America. The
Fishers, 4 dudes and a fair maiden returned with a conga eel caught by Chris weighing 6-7lb. Cliff claimed to have caught Nessie but that one got away. Chris enquired of his mum as to what she thought of his skill at catching an eel and her response was “When are you going to catch a pretty girl?”, and so to bed.
TUESDAY AUGUST 19th.
####################
It was about 2.30am when I checked the tents, returned the matches to the kitchen [ what an earth was he doing with matches at 2.30am] retrieved my watch from the marquee and spent some time in their in the dark playing “Hunt my torch”. As I returned to my hotel room (tent) I heard someone coughing, I hope they feel better this morning, but no snoring and no one talking in their sleep.
Between 5 and 6am the Camp staff rose and went about their business. Arthur volunteered as Temporary officer of the Day. When Mike went fishing he apparently forgot he was doing the job today. Something about the Committee never told him. Well at least that assures us of his sanity had we been in any doubt, which we aren’t, because as he was the committee it means he didn’t talk to himself.
Arthur eager as he was to help could not remember how to do the flag.
Denise introduced to Breakfast bran flakes and raisins. Any other ideas for livening up Breakfast will be published. Porridge and raisins was tasty too.
I suppose we could have porridge and ‘chicken tonight’ after all we have ample helpings of “Chicken Tonight” all through the day.
Dorothy noted that we have a lot of stirrers in the Camp. Well we need stirrers and shakers in society to initiate change and development. I never have porridge at home, usually Weetabix and fruit. After all porridge has been on BB camp menus since 1886. Is it still relevant? To some folk probably not but that is one of the reasons I come to camp to enjoy Lionel’s porridge.
There appeared to have been some skull duggery going on in tents regarding inspection with clothing moving about ( could have been a mole) but the result was Boys 78 and Girls 78. To assist with inspection Mike appointed overseers, Simon Heinrich for the boys and Rachel Brown for the girls.
Then followed the “ Laying in State of Chris Hughes’ poor unsuspecting victim, Conga the Eel, Since we are looking for a partner for him, was it male or female. Chris called for photo calls of him and his victim, and of him and his accomplices. Mike then told us that there were a lot of pubs in Grimsby
and the fishermen of Grimsby are rough diamonds with vivid language, yet it was this type of people Jesus had called to become His first disciples. Some of us felt quite ill just looking at the poor creature, that had been a creature of beauty in it’s natural environment. What wickedness killing such a creature and then eating it. What are we coming to? It was disgraceful! Away with these blood sports let’s be civilised and open a tin of salmon for tea.
Dorothy led Morning Prayers with us singing “The king is among us”, and reminding us that THIS IS A DAY THAT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN..USE IT WELL. She read from Hebrews 10 v 24-25. Then various footballers performed a sort of dance routine going into a huddle. Let’s win for the sake of our coach, Jesus Christ. Let’s huddle to encourage one another, “not neglecting to meet together”. The Day is approaching when these days of life will end. Are we ready for the next match in the big league Eternity? We sang “Jubilate” and “Worship His Majesty”. We gave thanks and said The Grace together.
Denise appealed for payment of credit at the Tuck shop by all those having things ON TICK. Shortly after prayers, the over Sixty’s bus left with Michael and Dorothy Hughes aboard. Band practice got underway with Mr Magmadds accompanying them on his Thomas the Tank engine whistle.
Some of us descended upon Swanage Beach the Children of Israel a-winding a long the foreshore led by Moses Malcolm Brown in his bright orange ‘T’ shirt ( the nearest thing we had to a pillar of fire) until the sacred site was arrived at. We talk the inflateables including the shark. Matthew took his deflateable with the hole in it. The Captain’s launch was put to good use, at one stage with Mr Magmadds as rudder. Mr M had acquired additional buckets and spades so we set to work digging just like a bunch of squirrels but not for long. Matthew struck oil. Alas it was tar so our stay was brief. .
LUNCH was well received pork strips, stuffing and vegetables followed by bread and butter pudding. Lionel was alleged to have remarked “O what’s gone wrong that was lovely”.
After lunch we had WATER SPORTS organised by Simon Heinrich during which most of us got damp, as we passed water filled balloons to one another across a dividing pathway. We had to develop a knack for catching them in the right way. Andrew Goodwin survived the longest and won. During this activity
Andrew Heinrich and Sharon Dumps arrived.
24 of us set out for the fishy area of Swanage, where Cliff took a party off fishing for mackerel. The rest of us went messing about in boats for half an hour. I enjoyed being driven around the bay in a speed boat reliably and carefully driven by Simon Pickhaver and Emma Pearce in turns between them Emma’s intended, Andrew Turner not wishing to miss any opportunity for fishing was dangling a line over the back baited with bits of Andrew Heinrich’s sandwiches. As to the other lot in the other boat, well! A right mutinous crew, All standing up much of the time, they seemed to be quarrelling as to who should drive. Phil, Simon H , Nathaniel, Helen and Kathryn was there one other? At one stage Simon H was woman handling that Helen, and we had to swing our boat around in case we had to pick up survivor. They were rocking the boat and becoming a hazard to shipping. After that enjoyable experience I walked off with Mike & Lynda and had a tasty blackberry ice cream after which we walked back to Camp. Shortly afterwards Cliff returned saying “The rest have fallen in”. Later still his crew arrived back full of praise for an enjoyable afternoon and it was reported to me that the fishermen had had a great time with a stupendous haul that had swamped the fish market. Matt had caught a crab basket and lost his tackle. Cliff had hastened back by taxi to get on with cremating Conga the Eel.
Chris walked back with Darren and Kirstie. They had stopped at a shop for an ice-cream. The shop saleswoman said to the children “You’ve got a nice father, treating you”. Chris ventured “I’m not their Dad” The Saleswoman then enquired whether he was their cousin and finding he wasn’t she seemed to be growing suspicious of his intentions. Chris apparently replied “I cannot get a girl to love me” (Arhh).The Saleswoman was clearly embarrassed. All suitors form an orderly queue. Various folk went waking or played table tennis or volleyball.
For TEA we had assorted cakes preceded by Spam and Salad, but about half the campers had Cliff’s special delicacy “Conga ala “What is it?”. David had 3 helpings and then felt poorly. A surprise unannounced Tent inspection left the
girls with 55% and the boys with 78%. Andrew Turner suggested that the Junior staff tents be added to Tent inspection. It was just as well no one suggested an unannounced inspection of the tent of him and his colleagues.(Having said that, the tent was O K but there belongings were a shade muddled up. A few more coat-hangers, and string hooks would have helped.). “Not that I should say too much, if it was not for my tent-commander Andy W ,well…”The C.O. took off after tea with a party of boys to fish from the end of the pier and Mr Magmadds wore the red ribbon for a bit. Certain girls took an unfair advantage of the temporary change of command. PC Plod’s helmet got run up the flagpole. People mused themselves. Chris Hughes lost his wallet with all his worldly goods in (Plastic cards). Kirstie found it in the grass and wisely moved it to a place of safety, the Girl’s Tent. Well done.
The generator was started and promptly stopped but Michael Hughes came quickly to the rescue. The C O returned for a .late Sunset retreat at 9. And Malcolm led Evening Worship during which Elizabeth and Ryan did a little water race illustrating “Focusing on Jesus” and how focused on Jesus Peter could walk on water until he let his faith waver, causing him to sink. Prayers were followed by cocoa . Mike led staff prayers. Some of the Junior Staff played cards until 12.30pm accompanied by singing Included in their repertoire were 2 verse of the National Anthem, they did not seem to know the 3rd verse “Confuse their knavish tricks confound their politics” Then we had excerpts from “Land of Hope & Glory”, Ten men went to mow…old Mother
Reilly and her cow went to mow a meadow” carrying on to a more sober “Hallelujah Praise the LORD”.
And so to bed and at 1.am the Camp is a silent world of shadows and white tents with the sounds of the sea, and of the ships out at sea, and the cry of a vixen fox for her cubs.
Part One
The last time we camped at Swanage our Company was facing an uncertain future
The Captain had resigned to look for a new job. The officers had briefly considered whether perhaps the time had come to close the Company down. PERISH THE THOUGHT
Even the camp magazine reflected the sombre overtones THE SWANAGE SIREN….a warning of things to come. BUT there was the sign of hope at the Initiation that year when we added to the Roll of New Campers 5 who became stalwarts Avis, Lionel, Dorothy, Michael and Andrew Heinrich. The Company in fact prospered. Mike got his new job, turned his resignation into a Sabbatical, upgraded the Band and resumed the Captaincy. The uncertainty turned out to be beneficial.
Today we face the uncertainty of falling membership this time next year we might have closed down…PERISH THE THOUGHT. We are a few weeks away from a Recruitment Campaign to make Saffron Walden sit up and notice what the BB is and what it does, with the view of renewal and growth. With that in mind, the vision of moving forward I have called the Camp magazine
THE WASHPOND PADDLE… a paddle being a device for propelling a boat forward and the campsite being in WASHPOND LANE.
To introduce the daily diary you might care to sing with your usual fervour this verse based on the tune of the ETON BOATING SONG copies will be made available to you now
Let’s try that out……now
Jolly old camping weather
Should it rain or shine
We’ll stick together
Making the most of our time
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
Rowing on for ever
As the Washpond Paddle records
SO WE BEGIN OUR JOURNAL
SATURDAY AUGUST 16th
######################
Cliff confirmed that he arrived at the Common on time. He didn’t need to bother as my watch strap was broken while getting into the bath Friday night. I mended it with staples and band aids but then the pin fell out so I take Cliff’s word on the matter as I went the week without a watch. Who needs a watch with all those bugle calls. Thanks to those kind friends who pointed out that I am not supposed to wear a watch in the bath.
I suffered an immediate identity crisis as various new nicknames were bandied about but the one that stuck was from David, MAGMADDS.
Tricia, Harvey and chips came to see us off. We wished they were coming too. Harvey and Chips are so affectionate with their kisses.
The Roll was called, (not “ up yonder” ), Zoe had been chosen but not called as she wasn’t enlisted.
Andy Turner was called but didn’t answer, so presumably he wasn’t chosen still he was doing the calling. Cliff gave a briefer than usual pep talk, - particularly about no chewing gum, no rubbish on the floor, and “Everybody BELT UP”.
Simon Pickhaver, Canvas Man who is also Tent inspector, and First Aidy, tried to kid Nathaniel
that he had to suffer initiation. Simon gets a bit confused, bless him, and perhaps he hasn’t heard that that’s been dropped since we went civilised. One or two old stagers were concerned too ,learn that Neptune was not coming to lunch this year. He had asked me to deputise for him. as he thought we were going to St Ives, so moored his boat there, and now being surrounded could not get his boat out of berth. Boat Bound. Still as Simon Heinrich points out I am never there when ever he comes.
Adidas Brown got very lively. Reports that she was a quiet sober lass have been greatly exaggerated. She was looking forward to the reunion with Nike Coote and Rebook Morton. Nutta Mines closed her eyes to drift into blissful sleep when eagle eyed Cliff from the driver’s seat yelled “Denise don’t go to sleep. I can’t!”
At 7.10 am enthusiasm broke out and lasted at least till we reached Fleet and the girls didn’t like it if any of us went to sleep. They soon put a stop to that. We picked up a very eager Andy Willitt and a cry went up, “ANDY, ANDY, ANDY, come and sit here”. So he sat behind Avis who then wagged her finger at him. A fella can’t win. Cliff likened Andy Turner’s sartorial headgear to that of an upturned flower pot. It was alleged that later when his hat went missing Andy could not recognise it inside out thinking it was another hat. Cliff switched in the heavy breathing apparatus.(the radio). Zoe and Adidas Brown reckoned that Magmadds should join the Back Street Boys…or the Spice Girls. Adidas added maybe better if he just joined Old Spice, while Zoe suggested Passed it Spice. [ “and they are such delightful young ladies really, aren’t they?” ] They asked Andy Turner how many trees there were on the camp site as they wanted to live in a Tree House , but we weren’t going near a motorway extension through an area of environmental beauty that needed protecting. Adidas produced her cuddly lion named Ant and named after one, Anthony but she would not reveal his surname. Kirstie appeared to be feeding her virtual pet on Sunshine Flavour. Canvas Man who doesn’t like the Back Street Boys.(who could fail to like the Back street Boys, phew !) threatened to cut the amplifying wires enquiring in basic humanity “How can I kill it?” Kirstie then began singing to her virtual pet, a sort of lullaby. Nath being new to camp, and having a sweet tooth took a handful of sweets from the bag being passed round, but he did put most of them back later, just has to learn the ropes. We excused his over indulgence. Cowboy Brown, the number one Player did several circuits collecting our rubbish. He was considering bringing out an alternative Camp magazine but he wisely realised there’s a limited market. A number of passengers found the seat belts restrictive and left their moorings. Simon Heiny moved in with Nutta Mines. Phil was wearing his “Wake up everybody!” shirt. Nath spent some time apparently hanging from the luggage rack and doing a sitting down hornpipe.
At Fleet we disembarked to use the facilities. Neptune led a party across the motorway bridge, but we could not find the fleet there or any sea, so we came back. Angie Goodwin phoned home to Mum. That sorted out we re-embarked David and angie having stocked up on Bubble Gum Balls from a dispenser. The officers at the back admired their photographs in the Daily Mail. Helen and Kathryn provided lots of mirth without sharing the joke, appeared to be having a sisterly fight.
As we were passing St Leonards, band leader Andy started a brief Singalong. “Didn’t we have a lovely time the day we went to Swanage?”, followed by “One man went to mow”, followed by “ I know a maid.. opps, that’s a rude one! Cliff kept shouting and we could not understand what, but it seems it may have been at the alleged bad driving of other road users. Chris facing a possible threat to the security of his tent, threatened to “pour carrots down their back”. Hughsy senior came down the aisle with a message from Cliff to “BELT UP” again and told us that we were 15 mile from Swanage. Four miles further on the sign post said “14 miles to Swanage. Maybe in Dorset the miles are longer. Matt Player got off to another good start losing another tooth. Phone contact was made with the C.O. as we passed the ruins of Corfe Castle. As we entered Swanage we were waved down by, so it appeared, some country yokel brandishing an umbrella. This turned out to be the C.O. who escorted us to the Camp Site ,situated as usual, 5 minutes from the sea. The minutes are longer in Dorset along with the miles.
So we arrived at our beautiful camp site with the tents surrounded by pink, or was it red, clover. The first priority was find the tea bags. This took a fair bit of time. Were they in that tin we left in the Church kitchen? Fortunately not. Arthur was a bit concerned at the popularity of his packet of Pringles which Lyndsey appeared to be using for some promotional campaign. We were all happy to help Arthur to diet. Arthur was surprised that the first rule of camp was no longer “ I don’t speak until everyone is quiet”.
After Lunch, a party set out to explore how to get to the beach. We were all following our great leader, Malcolm, who was following Lynda. It is just as well we did not lose sight of her. It has been alleged that we were having Sunday Evening worship in the morning as Malcolm appears to be appearing at The Shades as Sinister Minister. Angie Goodwin discovered that he had forgotten his swimming trunks but he found a way round that, and then his trainers broke but all in all he appeared to be enjoying it. Most of us went for a dip. The Player’s orange polo was much in use. The younger boys spent a lot of time on earthworks getting very muddy in the process. Some campers went shopping while others played volleyball.
For Dinner we had bangers, beans and taters followed by cakes. Paul came under some slight attack for making tea in a coffee pot. Personally I did not notice anything unusual. Paul was told to use new bags in future, not last years. Next year he can please himself . Andy Turner asked for a few seconds of our valuable time for an important announcement. It lasted 135 seconds.
We trooped off to the park for a game of Pudducks, and what a game that was, as described by my roving reporters, the Demon Bowler Flukesie Brown who bowled all the time, to ensure fair play I suppose that means that the bowling was regarded by some as consistently bad, the same for everyone, and the Twirling Dervish Nutta knocking the ball all over the place.. not to mention her remarkable catch when she caught the ball deftly with her shoe and then caught the ball on the rebound. Darren tells me he made 4 catches, and several people shined but man of the match was our scorer Tea Boy Player, who kept all the runs in his brain and came up with the result Cliff’s Team 78, and the other team 72. Arthur immediately lodged a notice of appeal saying that Boys British Boys couldn’t count! Paul should have taken the advice offered “Add all the runs together and divide by two”, the way Arthur did it back here in 1988.
Back at Camp we proceeded to Prayers, on the Theme “Water, Water, everywhere”. We sang several lively songs, and had a reading from John chapter 4, and a collective “Thank you” prayer Then Andy Turner and his colleagues and friends began their game “Hunt his bedding”.. This proved inconclusive. It was light-heartedly suggested that maybe it had found it’s way into Dorothy’s handbag, as Arthur’s keys had in 1988. Cliff tried throwing the javelin, only it wasn’t a javelin but Simon Heiny’s torch, a bulls eye straight into the refuse bin. Simon threatened to put Cliff in the bin next. Arthur taught some folk how to play Nap. The staff had a prayer meeting. After this most of us scattered to our tents and Denise and Matt sat up guarding the Camp Site, and so Saturday ended with a thunderstorm brewing in the distance which came closer and closer until it hung silently above us. So during the very early hours of Sunday morning God watered this part of His garden with refreshing showers and apparently an angel of the LORD must have descended upon us as our tents were lighted with a golden light. Apparently this was caused by a human angel with a torch and we give thanks that someone was caring for us.
SUNDAY AUGUST 17th
#####################
Rising early in the morning we made our way to and from the ‘public baths’ and grumbles about the toilet facilities were dispelled as all the way there and back we had showers!
At our destination we had a choice of 4 opportunities, 3 taps or don’t bother and 3 temperatures, all cool
needless to say one of our intrepid lady campers went in search of a gentleman who would get her into hot water.
All our staff set about their duties with enthusiasm adapting to the change of climate and some of us met for prayer in Ged’s Tent. Table tennis resumed, a sure sign that nothing has changed, business as usual, Alls Well!. At the morning prayer meeting we recalled that Elijah was a man of prayer, and when he prayed for a drought, no rain fell for 3½ years, and when he prayed for rain, he got it, bucket fulls. We are not sure who asked for what, but the weather cleared up.
We had an excellent repast for Breakfast of Lionel’s excellent porridge and fry up. Those who chose the cornflakes were not so happy but what can you expect with Tesco Value Corn flakes. You get what you pay for. We understand these were bought to encourage us to stick to Lionel’s porridge. Some people actually enjoyed them. Others were heard to mutter “The Cubs have Frosties”. Tent Inspection was won
by the Girls but we were not told how great their lead was. Clearly canvas man was on a damage limitation exercise..
The plunger was missing from the ladies loo, and Dorothy was certain it was not in her handbag.
First highlight of the morning activities was Fire Drill with a brisk walk through the wet clover, due to the heavy dew. David was missing believed burnt to a cinder but turned up “late” full of life. Andy Turner,
as officer of the Day, was seen heroically going from tent to tent rescuing victims from the imagined fiery inferno, the hero of the hour, but we were a bit deflated to learn that he was looking for his lost red arm-band. It was reported too that he was becoming too strict. Two members of the fatigue squad being somewhat fatigued already and seeing the utensils to be cleaned particularly the porridge saucepan declared “I am not cleaning that” and “Nor am I”. However Mr Turner singled them out for just such a great privilege and insisted on them scrimping, scraping, and shining until the sauce pan gleamed like burnished silver, -- maybe he’d lost his mirror as well!
Andy Willitt asked how big the camp site was. He was told to walk from the hedge at one end to the hedge at the other counting his paces and then the same thing across, add the figures together and divide by 2 …if it works for scoring pudducks may be it works for other things too.
(Oh I’ll get my coat!) This oft repeated phrase was supposed to have an effect on someone, maybe someone will remember what and whom. Junior staff members being rather knowledgeable in things entomological investigated a salt pot and discovered a thingyroach. Who else would be looking in salt pots for insects.
The time for Morning Worship approached and a stone henge shaped sacred site was created for worship.
It was then that we discovered that at the prayer meeting an element of confusion must have occurred as the drought rapidly ended in a heavy shower causing an evacuation to the Marquee
At Morning Worship the theme was BESIDE THE WATERS with some lively singing including the revamped Arsenal chorus “JESUS!”. We had some games. Postman’s Knock. Various people had to go and hide and come back and work out who was the anonymous leader of a chain reaction around the group of various aspects of “body language”. Then we sang a Polish song as a round, depending on which side of the poles we were sitting, but some of us were confused by not knowing who the polish people amongst us were. Another game was a sort of version of charades as used in the programme of the 1950-1960,period on steam TV “What’s my line”. We had a reading from Matthew 4 v 18-22. The purpose of the whip-round that we had was explained to us and Malcolm said that had we been Ugandans and were we in Uganda we could have brought a goat, a chicken or some eggs. I don’t think the Camp Treasurer would have been to pleased if we had as he would have had to feed the goat and the chicken. Still we had not really got any to bring although later in the day, (and most of the rest of the week) Cliff kept acting like a chicken and yelling “I’m having chicken tonight”. Glenys must have brought a supply of them but we never saw any but then the clover was quite tall. We could have brought Ant or some Virtual Pets although at £9-£15 a time the money would have been preferred. But I digress…the offering we actually brought in real old boring money…was in support of the B.B. World Conference’s International Extension Fund. Malcolm told us about the 5-10 year old Street Children in South Africa for which an outreach project has been organised. We were all encouraged to sign a postcard to them.
Malcolm told us of the readiness of the first disciples to give up their ordinary lives to follow Jesus and how exciting it would be if any of us this week realised and decided that they had been called to do just that. Maybe some long service Christians amongst us would discover a bit of OMPH in their renewal of commitment. (OMPH is a secret energy source provided by God the Holy Spirit and many people do not know that it exists).
Following Worship just about siesta time the BAND had a short practice session, which lasted an hour and was widely enjoyed.
The Bell lyra section, the Brass Section and the War Drums had separate practice sessions and then all the Band sections played together. They played for us March No 1, Mockingbird , Those Marvellous Men in their Flying Machines, and Evita.
Meanwhile Arthur and Denise played volley ball. Dorothy watched arena events from her ringside seat, wearing her straw hat. Simon Heiny gave Angio and Ryan a few tips in camp craft. Lynda relaxed reading. The Marquee’s walls were demolished to ventilate it. Cliff was seen putting Darren in the Waste Skip in an altercation arising from washing Ryan.
Weeeeeeell led our Grace before meat. Steve stuffed his plate with 4 helpings of spuds. What is a weena? Apparently Simon is alleged to be one? We were told that Junior staff are allowed to do things legal within Camp rules, but we were not told what? Magmadds got his knees muddy kneeling or was it grovelling on the floor so Zoe kindly washed them with her washing-up water. How thoughtful.
After our excellent Lunch a group of us went off to the beach, with Malcolm and John, braving the ice cold waters while our best trained lifesavers and strongest swimmers huddled together on the beach.
Ryan organised Ryan’s Beach Water Scheme with his united team of experts. Unfortunately they soon squabbled over the minor details and fell, out, and finished up destroying their efforts before the encroaching tide too over. The highlight of this exercise was when David with his top on and looking relatively clean fell into the pool he was helping to create. Cliff, Glenys, Mike, Lynda & Arthur
went for a walk to the Railway Centre and watched some cricket. Later Cliff, Denise and Matt played Rummy. Ryan, Andy and Magmadds, played crowfoot dominoes and the big boys played football with Darren and Angie, and Weeeeeeeel went for a quick trip. Malcolm taught James how to play “Continuance” from a Neapolitan Chocolate Box.
We enjoyed an excellent dinner, at which Magmadds had lettuce and diced onion in peach juice. The Bishop spent a lot of time trying to teach a wasp to eat jam from his plate. After Dinner the Junior staff had laid on some unconventional Sports . There was Welly Throwing, which made Cliff rather excited and a bit dangerous. The awards were as follows I think that Geoff was first for throwing the welly highest into orbit, Dorothy came first in throwing it the least distance and Cliff for throwing the farthest.
In the running we reckon Simon Pickhaver ran the fastest, right off his feet so that he ended the day a bit worse for wear, and then there was the Football throwing.
We applauded an excellent rendering of sunset retreat by a quintet.
Rosemary led Evening Prayers We sang “This is the day” and “God is Good”. We considered postcard ideas. What should we write on them. David suggested “Hope the weather is with you. It’s with us”.
Rosemary stressed the reason for using postcards and the theme of giving thanks, and went on to speak about our personal relationship with Jesus.
Chris Hughes reported the disappearance of some highly expensive silicon soles removed from his postcode area, just outside his tent, obviously in a very safe place for something expensive. I found return to him and claim the reward. Members of the staff spent an hilarious time playing UNO up to lights Out, and again afterwards, with Cliff full to bursting with holy mirth. It is reported that Malcolm is not the Sinister minister but that they were a lively group. Phil befriended a spider. Staff prayers were followed by gin rummy sessions into Monday morning by the alert night watch men. So the long day petered out under a beautiful clear starry sky and a bright Moon. ( “O I’ll get my coat”)
MONDAY AUGUST 18th
####################
The day began at various times for various folk with a lovely bright Moon and loads of stars, and later a beautiful sunrise followed later by thick mist drifting about and indeed the mist hung over Swanage most of the day giving the impression that the town was on fire..
The Gents had a problem with a blocked urinal and as early efforts to clear it failed we did consider swapping the Ladies and Gents signs round.
6.30am and all’s well and it was reported that Malcolm and Colleen were seen trying to escape Can’t blame them really.
The Officer of the day, Simon Pickhaver was feeling a bit rough but was proceeding as efficiently as usual and anticipating a quiet uneventful day.
Inspection got underway with the girls giving encouraging support to the boys tent and given their age and under experience the boys did extremely well. Result Boys 82, Girls 85. Simon Heinrich was overheard to have asked “Have you had a shower” which would have been a shade difficult unless someone had their own watering can at camp. Helen was seen to be sniffing the girls hands checking for signs of soap having been used.
We were told that the assistant Cook had been offered a day off. His working conditions seem to have improved to try to appease him but he seems to be only a number, poor chap, because later in the day outside the Player’s tent the catering staff were relaxing and one was heard to remarked “Um, Um what’s his name?” to which Paul replied “Charlie” and that seemed to click O. K.
Breakfast was just slightly delayed so Simon asked “Does anyone know any good songs”, whereupon the campers spontaneously launched into “Why are we waiting?” After this inspiring start to the day, and an excellent breakfast, Arthur led morning prayers with lots more singing as he reminded us what a good singer he is by singing the Labour Party theme song “I am building a people of power”. Assisted by Kathryn and Helen he presented a little drama entitled “I am a tramp”. Suffering from alcoholic poisoning and excessive anadin, down in the dumps, cold, fed up, sad, dejected ( Was this because Elaine was back home?) the tramps goes to Church and was rejected at the door 3 Sundays running, and he calls out to God for help and God’s reply was “Don’t despair, Don’t give up trying. I’ve been trying to get into that Church for 3 years.” Unfortunately this is sometimes all too true.
Arthur spoke about the little voices in our heads. The good voices like “Be kind to people” and we had an example of this later in the day when such a voice propelled Malcolm into the middle of the Beach Road to pick up lots of sticks of rock that had fallen out of a passing car; OR the bad voices like “I don’t like Arthur”. But we have to listen too to the inner voice of Jesus.
After prayers Denise led the tidy Team Out singing “ Oh I do love to be beside the seaside “ to raise morale.
Apart from the Camp staff who so valiantly get on with preparing our food, the main morning activity was the Great Trek to Swanage Railway Station with Matthew Player giving a running commentary of who was in the lead and how the composition of the leading pack changed. At the Station gifts and postcards were bought and Mr Magmadds acquired a Thomas the Tank Engine whistle with which to communicate with the Engine. Chris nearly missed the train. At Harman’s Cross was a bit of platform marked “Bedding area Do not disturb “ So I dropped off to sleep and my erstwhile companions tried to writ on my pad, but I awoke just in time. It was a beautiful journey. Did anyone win any thing in the raffle run by the ticket collectors.
Arriving at Corfe some time was spent sorting out who was supposed to have come and who not. Then we set out for the castle …a large air filled plastic thing coloured red , yellow and green in which children were bouncing up and down These Normans certainly liked amusing themselves.
Rosemary & Geoff on their own visited the model village, had a decent meal and a great ice-cream and then clambered up a lot of steps trying to find the rest of us. (at the mention of the word decent when this was read out , a big wave of feeling arose from the Cooks table with some suggestions that the Diarist might like to eat out.) With no criticism of our cooks, I must say it was a civilised idea of having a meal and a look round Corfe before returning to Swanage, the rest of us appeared to have taken a train to Corfe simply to be able to walk back to Camp.. We just sheeplike followed Lynda on the road out of town and didn’t get to visit the castle we had come 170 miles to clamber over instead we proceeded back to camp just over the next hill, and then the next, the next, the next, the next, about 9 of them and we never found the ice cream shop until we got to Ulwell.
Some disagreements occurred as to who we should be following through this mountainous region with all the little tombstones indicating those who did not find their way home from this inhospitable place devoid of shade and under the burning sun.. only mad dogs, Englishmen and the intrepid BB Campers go out walking in the mid-day sun. Some of us thought it was a good bet to follow the man with the map, twice winner of the Waltham Walk, as it was Matt Papa who was clearly the pacemaker, way out in front on his todd made it back home first by another way (Did he thumb a lift?) Of course it could be because the leading kids gave way to temptation in Vanity Fair, the kiddies playground of a caravan site, on the slide. Along the rote Mr Magmadds produced several aids to distance walking. A black sunshade which someone suggested attracted the heat. Anti-perspirent battery operated fans, a pure water spray and oranges. Some people come prepared He also used his whistle quite a lot to communicate with Thomas or was it Ben, Bill, George, Harry, Henry, Edward or James or one of the other friends of Thomas the tank Engine which keep tooting at us from a safe distance. . It was a long hot sticky trek of about 4 miles but it was worth it for the scenic beauty with beautiful views of Poole Harbour, Brownsea Island and Swanage Bay.
Back at Camp we had a lovely meal of corned beef hash followed by cherry topped trifle and plenty of second helpings. The fishing party sailed forth in Arthur’s minibus while others went into Siesta
Some of the Junior staff did a bank job to raise cash. Other campers played volleyball or cards. Matt being a glutton for punishment, went walking, up to the obelisk and down over the hill towards Poole. Some played Jelly Boggle making up new words for the 1998 edition of the Oxford English dictionary. Some of us visited the beach, swimming, digging holes, and Matthew carved a sand boats. While these activities were pursued Arthur organised his staff for the Great Bean Feast and more of this year’s delicacy French Toast – soft in the middle—except that some was soft all round except for one corner.
Clearly we need Miss Toast back.(ASIDE When this was read out Arthur protested “I will report you to Jean sale who taught me all I know” to which John retorted “You cannot blame the teacher for the pupil”) Later the favoured few were distributed with slices of cheese. Lionel remarked “Congratulations on your success despite the staff”. Arthur smiled with pleasure saying “Lionel you are a pearl” (At this point my notes being read 6 months later, read “Malcolm showered him with kisses” did this really happen?) John did express his appreciation for Arthur’s excellent scrambled egg. True it was 12 years ago but his standards remain high.
After washing up we were told that the Sports Council was working out our next activity. So Arthur took command of the power vacuum and we all played pudducks with Emma scoring. Simon H and Geoff did very well as backstops, Arthur exhausted himself bowling, standards of batting and fielding had improved greatly on the previous year. Even Mr Magmadds was congratulated on staying so long at the crease and for his dive to save the ball from a boundary…pity he missed though! Zoe did very well stopping the ball with her foot and James with his hand, which stung a bit we returned elated against a background of a beautiful sunset Simon H’s team 113 and Phil’s team 83.
Simon, Nath, James, Phil and Simon played an excellent Sunset Retreat as Andy W guided the flag down and the string up, so we had to take the flagpole down to retrieve the string. Simon, Simon, John and Geoff had fun with the external generator until the right switch was discovered. Later we had a power failure as we ran out of fuel but this was soon corrected.
Malcolm led evening prayers including a Mexican wave and the hornpipe “in the presence of your people!” He read from Mark 4 (Here my notes entitled this “The storm of the gate” I think I must have been tired and that this meant “The storm on the lake”, and he reminded us that Jesus can turn round any situation reminding us that we can all fight the Inner Battle.
By 10 boys prayers being over, the staff held their prayers, praying particularly for the boys, and for Arthur who is leaving today. (Arrh) and for Rachel and Lyndsey who were going off to America. The
Fishers, 4 dudes and a fair maiden returned with a conga eel caught by Chris weighing 6-7lb. Cliff claimed to have caught Nessie but that one got away. Chris enquired of his mum as to what she thought of his skill at catching an eel and her response was “When are you going to catch a pretty girl?”, and so to bed.
TUESDAY AUGUST 19th.
####################
It was about 2.30am when I checked the tents, returned the matches to the kitchen [ what an earth was he doing with matches at 2.30am] retrieved my watch from the marquee and spent some time in their in the dark playing “Hunt my torch”. As I returned to my hotel room (tent) I heard someone coughing, I hope they feel better this morning, but no snoring and no one talking in their sleep.
Between 5 and 6am the Camp staff rose and went about their business. Arthur volunteered as Temporary officer of the Day. When Mike went fishing he apparently forgot he was doing the job today. Something about the Committee never told him. Well at least that assures us of his sanity had we been in any doubt, which we aren’t, because as he was the committee it means he didn’t talk to himself.
Arthur eager as he was to help could not remember how to do the flag.
Denise introduced to Breakfast bran flakes and raisins. Any other ideas for livening up Breakfast will be published. Porridge and raisins was tasty too.
I suppose we could have porridge and ‘chicken tonight’ after all we have ample helpings of “Chicken Tonight” all through the day.
Dorothy noted that we have a lot of stirrers in the Camp. Well we need stirrers and shakers in society to initiate change and development. I never have porridge at home, usually Weetabix and fruit. After all porridge has been on BB camp menus since 1886. Is it still relevant? To some folk probably not but that is one of the reasons I come to camp to enjoy Lionel’s porridge.
There appeared to have been some skull duggery going on in tents regarding inspection with clothing moving about ( could have been a mole) but the result was Boys 78 and Girls 78. To assist with inspection Mike appointed overseers, Simon Heinrich for the boys and Rachel Brown for the girls.
Then followed the “ Laying in State of Chris Hughes’ poor unsuspecting victim, Conga the Eel, Since we are looking for a partner for him, was it male or female. Chris called for photo calls of him and his victim, and of him and his accomplices. Mike then told us that there were a lot of pubs in Grimsby
and the fishermen of Grimsby are rough diamonds with vivid language, yet it was this type of people Jesus had called to become His first disciples. Some of us felt quite ill just looking at the poor creature, that had been a creature of beauty in it’s natural environment. What wickedness killing such a creature and then eating it. What are we coming to? It was disgraceful! Away with these blood sports let’s be civilised and open a tin of salmon for tea.
Dorothy led Morning Prayers with us singing “The king is among us”, and reminding us that THIS IS A DAY THAT WILL NEVER COME AGAIN..USE IT WELL. She read from Hebrews 10 v 24-25. Then various footballers performed a sort of dance routine going into a huddle. Let’s win for the sake of our coach, Jesus Christ. Let’s huddle to encourage one another, “not neglecting to meet together”. The Day is approaching when these days of life will end. Are we ready for the next match in the big league Eternity? We sang “Jubilate” and “Worship His Majesty”. We gave thanks and said The Grace together.
Denise appealed for payment of credit at the Tuck shop by all those having things ON TICK. Shortly after prayers, the over Sixty’s bus left with Michael and Dorothy Hughes aboard. Band practice got underway with Mr Magmadds accompanying them on his Thomas the Tank engine whistle.
Some of us descended upon Swanage Beach the Children of Israel a-winding a long the foreshore led by Moses Malcolm Brown in his bright orange ‘T’ shirt ( the nearest thing we had to a pillar of fire) until the sacred site was arrived at. We talk the inflateables including the shark. Matthew took his deflateable with the hole in it. The Captain’s launch was put to good use, at one stage with Mr Magmadds as rudder. Mr M had acquired additional buckets and spades so we set to work digging just like a bunch of squirrels but not for long. Matthew struck oil. Alas it was tar so our stay was brief. .
LUNCH was well received pork strips, stuffing and vegetables followed by bread and butter pudding. Lionel was alleged to have remarked “O what’s gone wrong that was lovely”.
After lunch we had WATER SPORTS organised by Simon Heinrich during which most of us got damp, as we passed water filled balloons to one another across a dividing pathway. We had to develop a knack for catching them in the right way. Andrew Goodwin survived the longest and won. During this activity
Andrew Heinrich and Sharon Dumps arrived.
24 of us set out for the fishy area of Swanage, where Cliff took a party off fishing for mackerel. The rest of us went messing about in boats for half an hour. I enjoyed being driven around the bay in a speed boat reliably and carefully driven by Simon Pickhaver and Emma Pearce in turns between them Emma’s intended, Andrew Turner not wishing to miss any opportunity for fishing was dangling a line over the back baited with bits of Andrew Heinrich’s sandwiches. As to the other lot in the other boat, well! A right mutinous crew, All standing up much of the time, they seemed to be quarrelling as to who should drive. Phil, Simon H , Nathaniel, Helen and Kathryn was there one other? At one stage Simon H was woman handling that Helen, and we had to swing our boat around in case we had to pick up survivor. They were rocking the boat and becoming a hazard to shipping. After that enjoyable experience I walked off with Mike & Lynda and had a tasty blackberry ice cream after which we walked back to Camp. Shortly afterwards Cliff returned saying “The rest have fallen in”. Later still his crew arrived back full of praise for an enjoyable afternoon and it was reported to me that the fishermen had had a great time with a stupendous haul that had swamped the fish market. Matt had caught a crab basket and lost his tackle. Cliff had hastened back by taxi to get on with cremating Conga the Eel.
Chris walked back with Darren and Kirstie. They had stopped at a shop for an ice-cream. The shop saleswoman said to the children “You’ve got a nice father, treating you”. Chris ventured “I’m not their Dad” The Saleswoman then enquired whether he was their cousin and finding he wasn’t she seemed to be growing suspicious of his intentions. Chris apparently replied “I cannot get a girl to love me” (Arhh).The Saleswoman was clearly embarrassed. All suitors form an orderly queue. Various folk went waking or played table tennis or volleyball.
For TEA we had assorted cakes preceded by Spam and Salad, but about half the campers had Cliff’s special delicacy “Conga ala “What is it?”. David had 3 helpings and then felt poorly. A surprise unannounced Tent inspection left the
girls with 55% and the boys with 78%. Andrew Turner suggested that the Junior staff tents be added to Tent inspection. It was just as well no one suggested an unannounced inspection of the tent of him and his colleagues.(Having said that, the tent was O K but there belongings were a shade muddled up. A few more coat-hangers, and string hooks would have helped.). “Not that I should say too much, if it was not for my tent-commander Andy W ,well…”The C.O. took off after tea with a party of boys to fish from the end of the pier and Mr Magmadds wore the red ribbon for a bit. Certain girls took an unfair advantage of the temporary change of command. PC Plod’s helmet got run up the flagpole. People mused themselves. Chris Hughes lost his wallet with all his worldly goods in (Plastic cards). Kirstie found it in the grass and wisely moved it to a place of safety, the Girl’s Tent. Well done.
The generator was started and promptly stopped but Michael Hughes came quickly to the rescue. The C O returned for a .late Sunset retreat at 9. And Malcolm led Evening Worship during which Elizabeth and Ryan did a little water race illustrating “Focusing on Jesus” and how focused on Jesus Peter could walk on water until he let his faith waver, causing him to sink. Prayers were followed by cocoa . Mike led staff prayers. Some of the Junior Staff played cards until 12.30pm accompanied by singing Included in their repertoire were 2 verse of the National Anthem, they did not seem to know the 3rd verse “Confuse their knavish tricks confound their politics” Then we had excerpts from “Land of Hope & Glory”, Ten men went to mow…old Mother
Reilly and her cow went to mow a meadow” carrying on to a more sober “Hallelujah Praise the LORD”.
And so to bed and at 1.am the Camp is a silent world of shadows and white tents with the sounds of the sea, and of the ships out at sea, and the cry of a vixen fox for her cubs.