Post by John on Feb 18, 2009 13:39:41 GMT -5
The Chronicle of Woolacombia in Julliet 1991.
======================================
This is a brief account of some incidents as observed by Neptune the Third. the Intangible, of the strange rites and customs of the
Waldenian Brigaders camping at Woolacombia in Devonia. 1991
On the 20th day in the month of Juilliet in the 11th year of his reign over the Waldenian Brigaders, King Michael led his court on a Royal Progress across Albion from Anglia through Wessex to the land of the Devonians to his Summer Retreat situated by the side of the Woola in a quiet valley.
The journey began at an early hour, but not as early as planned, for so we are told, the sun rose late, or to be more precise Dawn was late.
Various servants of the King had loaded all the baggage into a Great
Chariot pulled by many horses concealed below the bonnet.
The Courtiers made good progress until they reached a staging post where Chronicles of the latest news were bartered for and several members of the tribe invested in new weapons - that shoot water--.
These were confiscated as they tried to reboard the Chariot, by the Lords Michaelmas Hughes and Johanian Maddams. Later the Coachman driving the Great Chariot turned the weapons onto some of the Courtiers who were making a great Din.
The Court arrived at the Kings Royal Park which he had acquired using a 1000 ducats of their taxes, wherein his summer Palace of Brown and Red canvass was erected.
This had an assembly lobby with a great door and a wide window with views looking across the valleys, and was situated on one side of an assembly area , encircled by lesser villas of green canvass, and 5 white storage places and assembly venues. There was also a great canvass hall dwarfing all the others, as befits a king, for entertaining. Close by was a well appointed kitchen with an ice making machine and privies.
First amongst the events of the week long summer Tournament was the Great Rounders Match.
The Courtiers divided into 2 teams to compete in hitting with a wooden baton a small harmless spherical creature thrown at them in turn. This is called a Ball. The creature must have been asleep when picked up and thrown, and concussed thereafter.
Occasionally the poor unfortunate Ball hit a baton and the player afraid of some reaction, fled from it. If the player completed the circular course the player scored what was called a Rounder. By that time the players would have realised the ball was not pursuing them. when a Rounder was achieved everyone else tended to get a bit excited.
Most of the time the Ball missed the baton and was condemned as a “NO BALL” being too high or too low. Occasionally when hit, the ball was caught . Finally those who were in, were out. Then those who were in went out and those who were out went in to be forced out by those who being out went in – all very confusing.
Another strange sport involved 2 teams of equal weight or at least number, pulling against each other a long rope in order to pass over a small area of territory Occasionally in their despair one team let go of the rope, and the other team fell to the ground in disarray. It all seemed so pointless for the amount of territory gained or lost – still it’s better than fighting each other.
At various times the young braves got aggressive and “bundled” one another. .
I also observed the strange Courtship Ritual of the lesser Turner who spent much time embracing or fighting a lesser Pearce.
The lesser Turner yelled “What the Hell did you put in the porridge”?
This would appear to be what these creatures eat that makes them so lively!
Between the various feasts and events, intrepid lovers of water, visited a place called Beach with strange stone like rafts which they forced before them into the surfy waves. This was probably an advertising stunt for the well known SURF washing powder.
Other intrepid Courtiers went in for hunting, shooting and fishing.
The Shooters shot water at one another, which at times made King Michael rather angry. Prince Andrew of Dashing Wood particularly drew his wrath. However later all the pistols disappeared, though some reappeared at the back of Baron Coote’s Villa.
The Fishers had varied success. The first crew caught only one. That was the one that did not get away. Clearly the fish saw them coming and remembered last year and gave the boat a wide berth.
Catching so little allowing for the hire of the boat they could have obtained their fish cheaper from a professional who sold them from his stall or front room on the quay.
.
Later crews were more successful Prince “Will It” Andy doing rather well
The Hunters went forth upon horses, some somewhat fearfully and others with misplaced confidence. Prince “Will It” Andy dismounted suddenly without stopping the horse his horse first. but bravely hung on It is said that the Princess Helen the Elder really needed a crane to get her in position It took 4 of the King’s servants to release the horse from under her.
On the First day of the Week the courtiers had assembled to worship, it being the Feast Day of the Sun god.
Thus they gathered in a great circle under the dome of Heaven to be ritually burnt by the Sun god while worshipping the greater spirit, the great God, our Father in Heaven.
There for the space of 40 minutes they uttered songs of praise and prayers of petition, and listened to the golden beatitudes from the Royal Priestess Tricia the Troughton [ one who catches fish ] who made a great speech.
The songs of praise were led by stringed instruments called catthars.
Some Courtiers fell asleep due to the great light of the Sun being too much for their eyes – thus missing the pearls of wisdom.
Also present were a number of strolling players who on Freda’s day gave live public performances on an open air arena of the long running saga OAK or PINE – a great dramatic epic passed down the generations.
There was another great actor, the Lord Arthuria, who supposes must be unemployed as he made an unsuccessful bid to be sent abroad as a missionary . still he got another job instead as orator - for the editor
of the Woolacombe Wanderer.
On the Feast day of the Moon god, all the courtiers gathered for the Great Feast to welcome new companions to the ancient and noble Order of Proper CHARLIES or to give them their full title
The Company of. Hoaxers And Raggers Living in Erts and Essex”
The Feast included a special ancient delicacy , a favourite of the King’s
Rolly Polly Steam Pudding which he remembers from his youth.
There was also a special dry wine for the toasts from the murky wine cellars of one of the king’s champions, Prince Sam from the kitchen provided in crystallised form as crusts..
Newcomers to the order were challenged to bring a message each to His Seaweed Highness, I, Neptune the Third., who presided over the event. These were to be in verses and were all of good quality, some were even sung. Particular note is attended to that of “Get Lost” Simon, brother of Prince Andrew of Heinrich.
Also that of Gareth the Spicer, sung in German, in an attempt to confuse Neptune no doubt. However this was quickly translated by other linguists present .
For this all the Courtiers had to wear special head coverings of caps, hats, coronets or flower garlands . The High Priestess Tricia had a beautifully created hat made up of silver foil pie dishes, while Queen Lynda had a silver coronet of milk bottle tops. Gary from the Mines had a pair of hands on his cap like a goalie might have. The Prince Will It Andy had what looked like a baby’s white woollen hood with ribbons.
All very fetching and bizarre.
Failure to wear any head gear provoked a fine of half a ducat [ 50p]
which as with the fines levied to retrieve lost property, or property you had not actually lost but a colleague had found , this money was given to the Annual Camp Appeal.
The ACA this year was to be for a new wheel for the King’s personal chariot in order that he may go on a state visit to Bangladesh.
Another event I recall was the Great Expedition on the evening of Thor the war god.
A great crowd of courtiers strode forth up the valley alongside the Woola. The Lord Arthuria upset courtiers of another king at the camp of the Northern Hampton Brigaders by aggressively yelling “that their tents were unfit for inspection” Fortunately war was averted.
Much time was spent trying to climb over a stile and finally the men and women were sorted out from the boys and girls when the Ford was reached, the boys and girls faring best. It was not a 4 wheeled Ford.
But a muddy ford.
At this point rebellion broke out amongst the ranks . Timid mutineers returned to camp. A rebel breakaway group sought a safer cleaner route but they still got wet and dirty, but they said that it was worth it because of the view from the hills above Woola Forest.
Their yodelling called forth from the Royal Estate below a great blasting of the Ram’s Horn.
The Great Mini-Marathon Run was raced. Competitors asked His Seaweed Highness, when he was off duty, having planned the route the previous year whether it was tough or not . He assured them that all the way was a nice straight level 2 mile run. Alas opps, he had been asleep since last year, and what seemed level on the map, had a rather steep hill at about half way, going and coming. The competitors were none too happy about this failure in communication.
Earlier in the week the adjoining camp of the Kingdom of Northern Hampton challenged us to battle on the playing field of soccer
In an effort to confuse the enemy and intimidate them, being our best weapon, King Michael sent in the Cadet and Women’s forces first led by me Neptune the Third, and an ambulance crew with a stretcher. This force included a make shift band, much the same as a band plays at the Cup Final. They marched out their band too, so with much use of the Rams Horns we deafened each other in our attempts to appease the Rain god.
Our two armies or teams were known as The Cobblers and The Growlers. The challengers won on points but we knew that really we were the champions, as all through the match we kept telling ourselves that we were, and we should know best,
We played fair. We know we did. We told ourselves it was so. How they won on points we don’t know but with Lord Arthuria playing as Ref and to his own rules, maybe it was not surprising.
I don’t think our Supporters Club helped much by yelling at the other side “Two, four, six, eight, who do we hate?” or yelling “Kill the Ten” after one had to leave the field. Why do the British get so excited by 22 people chasing and attacking a leather ball? “After all it’s only a game”
Such a comment in itself is regarded by some as heresy or blasphemy in this land where the largest religion is Football.
The previous night we fought each other with words under the refereeing of Prince Sam from the Kitchen and the previously mentioned Late Dawn in what was romantically called a Quiz but became some what riotous.
There were other events such as the outing in the big chariot to the Head of the Mine. There the courtiers disported themselves in pools and rapids, drove dodgems, rode the overhead monorail, played with poles and coloured balls, or watched images on a screen in a place older Courtiers would call “The Flicks.” This title we think arose from
the rabble in the nine penny seats at the front flicking rolled up paper pellets held together by spit at the nobility at the rear, who were higher up, in the one and nine pennies seats. The latter’s main purpose being to avoid the screen images while holding hands, huddled in the outer darkness to kiss and cuddle. .
On this occasion we were led to believe that some of the seats at the back were occupied by Lord Michael the Hughesite and Lady Dorothy, from the ford of the Chester, and Lord Arthuria the Great Burke, opps I meant Bird.
Prince Will It Andrew visited a gift shop but ran out of ducats. Lord Madds becoming aware of this made for the door, but the check out operator caught him and told him that his friend had claimed that he was his friend and he was sure he would pay the bill. Such faith.
Ye Olde Tuck Shop - Friar Tuck’s Emporium - refused to offer credit facilities, and made huge profits selling special offers.
The young prince Darren of the Kitchen tried to hijack this fortune by tying up the terrified maiden left in charge and unguarded, Princess Julie, to hold her for ransom but without success.
Much more might be written of the strange events in the Valley of the Woola
but Enough is Enough!
JEM 2008
======================================
This is a brief account of some incidents as observed by Neptune the Third. the Intangible, of the strange rites and customs of the
Waldenian Brigaders camping at Woolacombia in Devonia. 1991
On the 20th day in the month of Juilliet in the 11th year of his reign over the Waldenian Brigaders, King Michael led his court on a Royal Progress across Albion from Anglia through Wessex to the land of the Devonians to his Summer Retreat situated by the side of the Woola in a quiet valley.
The journey began at an early hour, but not as early as planned, for so we are told, the sun rose late, or to be more precise Dawn was late.
Various servants of the King had loaded all the baggage into a Great
Chariot pulled by many horses concealed below the bonnet.
The Courtiers made good progress until they reached a staging post where Chronicles of the latest news were bartered for and several members of the tribe invested in new weapons - that shoot water--.
These were confiscated as they tried to reboard the Chariot, by the Lords Michaelmas Hughes and Johanian Maddams. Later the Coachman driving the Great Chariot turned the weapons onto some of the Courtiers who were making a great Din.
The Court arrived at the Kings Royal Park which he had acquired using a 1000 ducats of their taxes, wherein his summer Palace of Brown and Red canvass was erected.
This had an assembly lobby with a great door and a wide window with views looking across the valleys, and was situated on one side of an assembly area , encircled by lesser villas of green canvass, and 5 white storage places and assembly venues. There was also a great canvass hall dwarfing all the others, as befits a king, for entertaining. Close by was a well appointed kitchen with an ice making machine and privies.
First amongst the events of the week long summer Tournament was the Great Rounders Match.
The Courtiers divided into 2 teams to compete in hitting with a wooden baton a small harmless spherical creature thrown at them in turn. This is called a Ball. The creature must have been asleep when picked up and thrown, and concussed thereafter.
Occasionally the poor unfortunate Ball hit a baton and the player afraid of some reaction, fled from it. If the player completed the circular course the player scored what was called a Rounder. By that time the players would have realised the ball was not pursuing them. when a Rounder was achieved everyone else tended to get a bit excited.
Most of the time the Ball missed the baton and was condemned as a “NO BALL” being too high or too low. Occasionally when hit, the ball was caught . Finally those who were in, were out. Then those who were in went out and those who were out went in to be forced out by those who being out went in – all very confusing.
Another strange sport involved 2 teams of equal weight or at least number, pulling against each other a long rope in order to pass over a small area of territory Occasionally in their despair one team let go of the rope, and the other team fell to the ground in disarray. It all seemed so pointless for the amount of territory gained or lost – still it’s better than fighting each other.
At various times the young braves got aggressive and “bundled” one another. .
I also observed the strange Courtship Ritual of the lesser Turner who spent much time embracing or fighting a lesser Pearce.
The lesser Turner yelled “What the Hell did you put in the porridge”?
This would appear to be what these creatures eat that makes them so lively!
Between the various feasts and events, intrepid lovers of water, visited a place called Beach with strange stone like rafts which they forced before them into the surfy waves. This was probably an advertising stunt for the well known SURF washing powder.
Other intrepid Courtiers went in for hunting, shooting and fishing.
The Shooters shot water at one another, which at times made King Michael rather angry. Prince Andrew of Dashing Wood particularly drew his wrath. However later all the pistols disappeared, though some reappeared at the back of Baron Coote’s Villa.
The Fishers had varied success. The first crew caught only one. That was the one that did not get away. Clearly the fish saw them coming and remembered last year and gave the boat a wide berth.
Catching so little allowing for the hire of the boat they could have obtained their fish cheaper from a professional who sold them from his stall or front room on the quay.
.
Later crews were more successful Prince “Will It” Andy doing rather well
The Hunters went forth upon horses, some somewhat fearfully and others with misplaced confidence. Prince “Will It” Andy dismounted suddenly without stopping the horse his horse first. but bravely hung on It is said that the Princess Helen the Elder really needed a crane to get her in position It took 4 of the King’s servants to release the horse from under her.
On the First day of the Week the courtiers had assembled to worship, it being the Feast Day of the Sun god.
Thus they gathered in a great circle under the dome of Heaven to be ritually burnt by the Sun god while worshipping the greater spirit, the great God, our Father in Heaven.
There for the space of 40 minutes they uttered songs of praise and prayers of petition, and listened to the golden beatitudes from the Royal Priestess Tricia the Troughton [ one who catches fish ] who made a great speech.
The songs of praise were led by stringed instruments called catthars.
Some Courtiers fell asleep due to the great light of the Sun being too much for their eyes – thus missing the pearls of wisdom.
Also present were a number of strolling players who on Freda’s day gave live public performances on an open air arena of the long running saga OAK or PINE – a great dramatic epic passed down the generations.
There was another great actor, the Lord Arthuria, who supposes must be unemployed as he made an unsuccessful bid to be sent abroad as a missionary . still he got another job instead as orator - for the editor
of the Woolacombe Wanderer.
On the Feast day of the Moon god, all the courtiers gathered for the Great Feast to welcome new companions to the ancient and noble Order of Proper CHARLIES or to give them their full title
The Company of. Hoaxers And Raggers Living in Erts and Essex”
The Feast included a special ancient delicacy , a favourite of the King’s
Rolly Polly Steam Pudding which he remembers from his youth.
There was also a special dry wine for the toasts from the murky wine cellars of one of the king’s champions, Prince Sam from the kitchen provided in crystallised form as crusts..
Newcomers to the order were challenged to bring a message each to His Seaweed Highness, I, Neptune the Third., who presided over the event. These were to be in verses and were all of good quality, some were even sung. Particular note is attended to that of “Get Lost” Simon, brother of Prince Andrew of Heinrich.
Also that of Gareth the Spicer, sung in German, in an attempt to confuse Neptune no doubt. However this was quickly translated by other linguists present .
For this all the Courtiers had to wear special head coverings of caps, hats, coronets or flower garlands . The High Priestess Tricia had a beautifully created hat made up of silver foil pie dishes, while Queen Lynda had a silver coronet of milk bottle tops. Gary from the Mines had a pair of hands on his cap like a goalie might have. The Prince Will It Andy had what looked like a baby’s white woollen hood with ribbons.
All very fetching and bizarre.
Failure to wear any head gear provoked a fine of half a ducat [ 50p]
which as with the fines levied to retrieve lost property, or property you had not actually lost but a colleague had found , this money was given to the Annual Camp Appeal.
The ACA this year was to be for a new wheel for the King’s personal chariot in order that he may go on a state visit to Bangladesh.
Another event I recall was the Great Expedition on the evening of Thor the war god.
A great crowd of courtiers strode forth up the valley alongside the Woola. The Lord Arthuria upset courtiers of another king at the camp of the Northern Hampton Brigaders by aggressively yelling “that their tents were unfit for inspection” Fortunately war was averted.
Much time was spent trying to climb over a stile and finally the men and women were sorted out from the boys and girls when the Ford was reached, the boys and girls faring best. It was not a 4 wheeled Ford.
But a muddy ford.
At this point rebellion broke out amongst the ranks . Timid mutineers returned to camp. A rebel breakaway group sought a safer cleaner route but they still got wet and dirty, but they said that it was worth it because of the view from the hills above Woola Forest.
Their yodelling called forth from the Royal Estate below a great blasting of the Ram’s Horn.
The Great Mini-Marathon Run was raced. Competitors asked His Seaweed Highness, when he was off duty, having planned the route the previous year whether it was tough or not . He assured them that all the way was a nice straight level 2 mile run. Alas opps, he had been asleep since last year, and what seemed level on the map, had a rather steep hill at about half way, going and coming. The competitors were none too happy about this failure in communication.
Earlier in the week the adjoining camp of the Kingdom of Northern Hampton challenged us to battle on the playing field of soccer
In an effort to confuse the enemy and intimidate them, being our best weapon, King Michael sent in the Cadet and Women’s forces first led by me Neptune the Third, and an ambulance crew with a stretcher. This force included a make shift band, much the same as a band plays at the Cup Final. They marched out their band too, so with much use of the Rams Horns we deafened each other in our attempts to appease the Rain god.
Our two armies or teams were known as The Cobblers and The Growlers. The challengers won on points but we knew that really we were the champions, as all through the match we kept telling ourselves that we were, and we should know best,
We played fair. We know we did. We told ourselves it was so. How they won on points we don’t know but with Lord Arthuria playing as Ref and to his own rules, maybe it was not surprising.
I don’t think our Supporters Club helped much by yelling at the other side “Two, four, six, eight, who do we hate?” or yelling “Kill the Ten” after one had to leave the field. Why do the British get so excited by 22 people chasing and attacking a leather ball? “After all it’s only a game”
Such a comment in itself is regarded by some as heresy or blasphemy in this land where the largest religion is Football.
The previous night we fought each other with words under the refereeing of Prince Sam from the Kitchen and the previously mentioned Late Dawn in what was romantically called a Quiz but became some what riotous.
There were other events such as the outing in the big chariot to the Head of the Mine. There the courtiers disported themselves in pools and rapids, drove dodgems, rode the overhead monorail, played with poles and coloured balls, or watched images on a screen in a place older Courtiers would call “The Flicks.” This title we think arose from
the rabble in the nine penny seats at the front flicking rolled up paper pellets held together by spit at the nobility at the rear, who were higher up, in the one and nine pennies seats. The latter’s main purpose being to avoid the screen images while holding hands, huddled in the outer darkness to kiss and cuddle. .
On this occasion we were led to believe that some of the seats at the back were occupied by Lord Michael the Hughesite and Lady Dorothy, from the ford of the Chester, and Lord Arthuria the Great Burke, opps I meant Bird.
Prince Will It Andrew visited a gift shop but ran out of ducats. Lord Madds becoming aware of this made for the door, but the check out operator caught him and told him that his friend had claimed that he was his friend and he was sure he would pay the bill. Such faith.
Ye Olde Tuck Shop - Friar Tuck’s Emporium - refused to offer credit facilities, and made huge profits selling special offers.
The young prince Darren of the Kitchen tried to hijack this fortune by tying up the terrified maiden left in charge and unguarded, Princess Julie, to hold her for ransom but without success.
Much more might be written of the strange events in the Valley of the Woola
but Enough is Enough!
JEM 2008